Penis Dimension - 4:37

MARK:
Penis dimension

HOWARD:
Penis dimension

EVERYBODY:
Penis dimension is worrying me
I can't hardly sleep at night
'Cause of penis dimension

Do you worry?
Do you worry a lot?
Do you worry?
Do you worry and moan ...
That the size of your cock is not monstrous enough?

It's your penis dimension!
Penis dimension!

MARK:
Hiya, friends. Now, just be honest; out it... Did you ever consider the possibility that YOUR PENIS,
And in the case of many dignified ladies, that the size of the titties themselves might provide elements of subconsious tension! Weird, twisted anxieties that could force a human being to become a politician, a policeman, a Jesuit Monk, a rock and roll guitar player; a wino... you name it! Or, in the case of the ladies, the ones who can't afford a silicone beef-up, they become writers of hot books ...

HOWARD:
". . .Manuel, the gardner, placed his burning phallus in her quivering quim..."

MARK:
Yes, or they become Carmelite Nuns...

HOWARD:
". . . Gonzo, the lead guitar player, placed his mutated member in her slithering slit..."

MARK:
... or race horse jockeys! There is no reason why you or your loved ones should suffer. Things are bad enough without the size of your organ adding even more misery to the troubles of the world!

HOWARD:
Right on! Right on!

MARK:
Now, if you're a lady and you've got munchkin tits, you can console yourself with this age-old line from primary school:

BOTH:
"ANYTHING OVER A MOUTHFUL IS WASTED."

MARK:
Yes, and isn't it the truth! And if you're a guy and one night you are at a party and you're trying to be cool... I mean, you aren't even wearing any underwear you're being so cool... and somebody hits on you one night and he looks you up and down and he says:

HOWARD:
Eight inches or less?

MARK:
Well, let me tell you, brother, that's the time when you got to turn around and look the sonofabitch right between the eyes and you got to tell him these words: